What does it take to enjoy a fulfilling and long-lasting sex life in your marriage? I thought I would go to the husbands and see what they think.
What do Christian husbands say is crucial for all of us to understand when it comes to experiencing the fulfilling marriage God intended? Sadly, not every Christian husband could be surveyed, but here is a compilation of suggestions and encouragements from authors, bloggers, pastors, speakers and friends:
1. Make Christ your #1 Priority – don’t expect your wife to make you happy. It is not her job. Look to Christ to supply “all your needs through His riches”. Check your priorities to see if your wife, or kids, or job, or hobbies, or fitness, or whatever, are competing with Christ for top spot in your heart and mind. Give your sex life over to Him and pray that He will make it everything He wants it to be. He will do “exceedingly, abundantly above all you can ask or think”.
2. Pray with your wife. We all know we should, but few actually do. Nothing is more emotionally connecting to your wife than to have you take the time and emotional energy to pray with her. Prayer allows her to see inside your heart and connect with what you are concerned about. As we have already seen, when her emotional tank is full, her mind is more apt to think about your fulfillment as well. Don’t pray to get what you want. Pray because of #1 above.
3. Make sex a priority in your marriage. We need to talk about it more openly with our wives. She obviously must embrace it as well, but will be more open as you pray and talk about it together.
4. Keep pursuing your wife. Most of us quit pursuing something after we get it. It is our nature. We can’t afford to do that when it comes to romancing our wife. Think back to when you were dating. You dressed nicer, shaved closer, wore her favorite cologne and thought of fun things to do together. Obviously, life was less hectic then, but we have got to make romance and intimacy a top priority.
5. Don’t be boring. Do you get in an intimacy rut? Do you always go to a movie on date night? Do you talk about business, or the kids when you are out with your wife? Your wife wants to be courted, romanced, pursued – desired. Just like you want to be sexually desired by her, she needs to feel your desire to be with her – not just for sex so you can be fulfilled – but for talking, walking, laughing, playing together – like the good ‘ole days. She longs for connection.
6. Become a student of your wife. Make it a priority to find out what is going on in her world, and in her mind/heart. Ask her how she feels about things. Listen deliberately. Make time alone with her a must-have on your do-list. Find out what she loves, what she fears, what is bothering her, and what brings her great joy. Ask questions. Be prepared to take whatever time it takes. The time spent with her will fill her sails with appreciation and love for you.
A great sex life is a result of loving your wife well. Don’t keep waiting for her to “get it”. Take the initiative. Lead. Be the husband God calls you to be, without expecting or demanding anything in return.
Remember, for your wife, intimacy comes before sex. Emotional intimacy IS intimacy. Take time to love her before attempting to make love to her.