How to Make Love to Your Wife – Part 1


Making love. What a familiar phrase in our society. For some, it means simply hooking up, having sex. For others, it means much more.

I contend that it means much more to your wife. Have you ever asked her to define what “making love” means to her? If you never do, how will you know you are actually doing it….or is it simply enough for you to have sex?

Your wife (as well as yourself) is created by God as a three-part being. She has a spirit, a soul and a body. Most men (because we are wired differently – by design) tend to naturally focus on the physical when the topic of “making love” comes up. Men’s magazines are filled with articles on techniques, tips and positions all intended to make the experience much more pleasurable physically.

In this 3-part series, I will attempt to explain how a husband might go about making love to his wife in all three arenas of her being – beginning with her spirit.

The spirit or essence of your wife is truly who she is at her core. She is so much more than a body. Her body is simply God’s designed shell for containing (for a short lifetime) her physical body – but if you have ever seen a dead person you quickly come to realize that he/she is not there – that their body is simply a shell, a covering for their true self.

So, in order to make love to your wife spiritually, we much approach her on a spiritual level. This is why if you are not a believer, or a believer who isn’t walking in the Spirit (see Gal:5), it is impossible to make love at this level. Approaching her spiritually means reaching out to set her needs on that level.

Ephesians 5 says that we (husbands) are to wash our wives with “the water by the Word”. We are to speak the Word of God over her, pray the Word of God over her and read that same Word with her. God’s Word is power, and that power will unite your spirits as you spend time together in it. It is not enough to attend church (even though very important), or even a small group meeting together. You must deliberately set aside time together to read and discuss God’s Word.

Probably the most powerful thing a husband can do to make love spiritually with his wife is pray. Pray for her, as Christ continues to do for his bride (us), but also pray “with” her. The thing that most husbands find the hardest to do is the most powerful tool God will use to unite your hearts like nothing else. Our enemy knows that as well, and that is why he is hell-bent on keeping husbands and wives from it.

Making love means making time. Making time to talk about your walk with God, read His Word and especially to pray will promote an atmosphere of oneness in your marriage that will be profound. It will also keep the two of you relating on a spiritual level when the trials/troubles of life follow you home.

Remember – Galatians 5:16 says if we “walk in the Spirit, we will not gratify the lusts of the flesh”, which are: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures,  idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension and division.

Most marriage issues are caused by one or both spouses simply not walking with God. Without His help, without His Spirit living in and through us, we are doomed to live in our flesh and continue to struggle in our marriage.

Guys – become a spiritual man. Walk with God every single day. Surrender to His will, devour His Word and ask Him for divine help and power to put your wife’s needs ahead of your own. Remember, we are commanded to love her “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her”. Are you living like that?Are you loving her like that?

If not, we need to repent. Ask God and our wife to forgive us and determine to live deliberately and sacrificially for His glory. Horizontal issues are solved by living vertically.

Start today.