3 Steps to Improving Intimacy in Your Marriage


I am convinced it took Adam years to name all the animals God has gloriously created and “brought to him”. There are over 6,000 species of reptiles, 9,000 species of birds, 15,000 mammals, 1,000 amphibians, and over 1 million species of insects. Giving Adam a couple of minutes to look them over and another couple to think of a name, let’s give him four minutes per pair. Working non stop for 24 hours straight Adam could have named 360 animals a day, and 131,400 a year if he worked 365 days non-stop. That would have taken him nearly 8 earth years to name them all.

Over that span of time most of the animals, if not all, would have mated several times and have had many offspring. Adam no doubt observed these shenanigans and obviously saw no human counterpart with whom he could enjoy such things. In due time, God created that perfect counterpart for Adam. She was “the rest of him”, his completer, his compliment, his “essential helper” in life.

My guess also is that the loving, wise Creator/Father probably took a few minutes before putting Adam into his deep sleep to explain a few things to the boy. He probably spoke of anatomy and how things were to work, but He most likely gave our gardener a few lessons in tenderness, romance, and unselfishness. Nonetheless, I am convinced that Adam & Eve were exploring each other sexually very soon after their introduction.

God created us as sexual beings, with strong sexual desires and needs. He also has given us (husbands) clear instructions and practical wisdom in His Word for how to harness this raw passion and experience true and deep intimacy with our wife. Here are three principles we must master if we are to achieve the emotional and physical intimacy we long for with our wife:

1. Be All In

You have got to come to a point in your marriage when you say to yourself, to God and to your wife, that you are ALL in. You are in this marriage to stay, for keeps, no matter what, whatever comes. Divorce is never going to be an option. Pornography, flirtatious living, fantacizing about other women and all such things are going to be put to death and never resurrected. You must decide to be 100% committed not only to your marriage covenant, but to the imperfect, sometimes difficult woman God personally created for you. He doesn’t make mistakes. He is always loving and always knows what is best.

To not be all in is to say to God, “thanks anyway, but…”, and that is not a good place to be in life. You cannot have a fulfilling marriage and play with pornography. You can’t even dabble with flirting with other women or entertain thoughts about them. You are committed to one woman already – she is God’s daughter and He made her just for you. You are deliberately rejecting His gift and tossing it back in His face when you live that way. It breaks His heart and it has predictable and undesirable consequences.

So, what to do about it? Repent and get right with the Father if you need to. Develop a daily habit and practice of thankfulness. Thank Him every single morning for your wife. Thank Him that He is using her to develop you and humble you, and keep you dependent on Him for your joy and fulfillment in this life. Thank her regularly for not only what she does “for” you, but for “who” she is. Tell her often how much you love her and respect her. How much you appreciate and admire her character and heart. How you see God working in her life and how thankful you are to be married to her. God will bless you and she will respond to you in amazing ways.

And that’s just #1. (Stay tuned for Steps 2 & 3)

Start today. Whether you feel like it or not (that doesn’t matter), begin to thank God and thank your wife. It’s not enough to be thankful “inside”. You have got to tell her, show her, and live it. Intimacy will follow if you begin to express your love in the form of thankfulness. Try it, and ask God to give you words and opportunities to lavish your wife with praise and thankfulness this week.

She is worth it, and He is too.


Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

One thought on “3 Steps to Improving Intimacy in Your Marriage

  1. I agree that men need to praise their wives every day. We are fortunate to find a person who is willing to take us as we are, faults and all, and still love us. Everyone looking for a wife needs to slow down and work on establishing a friendship first before moving forward. If you cannot be friends, you surely cannot expect the marriage to last. Conversation wiith your wife is what is important. Men need to share their thoughts, dreams, and ideas with their wife to establish a bond that grows stronger as time goes on. Some men become infatuated with only the sexual part of a relationship but these are the marriages that tend to fizzle and not last since the relationship is not built on trust and relationship with one another. God allows us the choice to find a mate, don’t complicate the matter and move too fast. Indeed, some things are definitely worth waiting for.

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