Don’t you just love it when something works the way it is supposed to, or the way you expect it to ? Boy, I sure do.
Every time I empty our Simply Human trash can in the kitchen (most times w/o being prompted to by my wife….yea me) – I replace the custom-fit bag with another Simply Human “J” bag, and it all just fits together so nicely. I am glad we spent the extra money to buy that trash can. Every time I smoke chicken or pork on my Orion Cooker, I am thankful that it works very simply and very well – just as advertised. My 50″ Panasonic LED TV, my Nikon D5200 digital SLR, my Apple TV – you get the point. I love using things that work, and work well…..like I expect them to.
You and I (and our spouses) had expectations of how things would work when we got married. Most were never voiced and may even remain unearthed. Even though we have never talked at length about them, we still expect our spouse to know them and to meet them – happily and completely.
University research has identified 10 basic human needs we all have that need to be met in order for us to be able to enjoy lifelong, fulfilling relationships:
attention and affection.
Each of us enters marriage anticipating, and expecting our mate to meet these needs, and when they don’t, we get disappointed. We can even become disenchanted, bitter and resentful. We grow up believing that if we find the “right” person, that he/she will meet these needs and we will live happily ever after together. Trouble is – he/she will never meet all those needs and are not designed by God to do so. We will always fail to live up to all of our spouse’s expectations. We will never be able to make him/her completely happy and fulfilled. The good news is – God didn’t create marriage with that in mind.
Truth is – He is the One, the only One who will ever be able to meet all of our needs (through His riches in Christ Jesus – Phil. 4:19). The more we look to our spouse to meet those needs, the more disappointed and frustrated we will become. The more we allow Jesus to be #1 in our life, and look to Him to meet our needs, the more joyful and fulfilled we will be.
God created my wife and brought her to me – not to meet all my needs and make me completely happy – but to help me/partner with me, in this great adventure He calls marriage to bring Him glory and to demonstrate to others the unselfish, unconditional love He has for His bride. It is hard work, and was never intended to be entered into without God – walking with us, equipping and empowering us each and every step of the way.
If your spouse isn’t “working” the way you imagined, or meeting the needs you thought he/she would meet- don’t lash out at them, and don’t start looking for a replacement. Simply take your eyes off your spouse, and put them squarely on the only One who is capable of meeting your needs and fulfilling your life – Jesus.
Don’t hold your husband/wife responsible for something he/she was never intended to be or to do. Give your needs over to God and begin focusing on what He commands you to do as a spouse – meet the needs of your spouse – consider his/her needs ahead of your own (Phil.2:3), and make him/her your #1 earthly priority every day (1 Cor. 7:33). If you think the grass looks greener in someone else’s yard – stop and water your own. Leave your needs at His feet and He will work on your spouse in much more profound ways than you ever could.
Focus solely on your relationship with God and on how you can be the spouse He has called you to be. He will take care of the rest.