Most men who dabble in pornography convince themselves that it won’t effect them or their marriage.
After all, I still love my wife.
Yes, the vast majority of men will admit to still loving their wife and being committed to their marriage. They truly believe that this practice, whether random or habitual, will not do any real harm to either.
Researching this for another project, I am flooded with evidence to the contrary. Let’s take a couple of posts to explore some of the many effects pornography has on you and your marriage…
Boredom / Disappointment
Men are easily bored, in many ways but most especially sexually. Having sex in the same place, in the same way, at the same time, etc. – gets boring. We’ll take it, if that’s all there is, but deep down we admit it seems very predictable and that’s not very exciting.
The primary lure of pornographic movies/videos is the erotica. Things are not boring. The lights are on, the woman is desirous of her man, and the long interplay of sexual activities that follow are anything but boring. When a man watches this, a deep sense of loss accompanies the tidal wave of emotions that he feels.
“I wish my wife wanted me like that.” “I wish she enjoyed sex like that, and responded to me that way.” There is an agreement we make that “Oh well, I’ll just settle for what I have.” So, the next time you get to have sex, in the same place, at the same time, in the same way – it seems even more boring. Happy to have it, for sure, but comparatively – ho hum.
This mental wrestling match leaves us feeling disappointed. No, we’re not disappointed in our wife necessarily. We love her. She looks just great. She is great. You don’t want someone else….. you just wish things were a little more erotic in the bedroom.
The more we justify that we “need” pornography as an escape – the more it wears away at us, like termites gnawing away at our very foundation until one day we will find ourselves with a much bigger, deeper problem. The more we let these images into our mind (Satan’s primary battleground), the more termites we invite over to the house, and the more bored and disappointed we will be with our wife.
She is too special to God to be treated this way. She is His precious daughter and He has given her to you to love, lead and protect. He is also going to hold each of us accountable for how well we do those things.
Turning off the images, seeking accountability, and walking daily with Christ are the only ways to begin to restore the intimacy and fulfillment we once had – only with our wife.
This is one major way we can love our wives “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her“.