Nearly every time a marriage survey is taken, whether to determine why people get divorced, or why they stay together, it seems that having a healthy sex life (or the lack thereof) is near the top of the husband’s list.
The overwhelming majority of husbands would agree that regular sexual intimacy is a top need in their lives. But why? Why is this such a dominant issue for men?
I don’t have to tell you (guys) that the primary reason is biological. Our God-created physiology creates a physical need for regular sexual release. If this need isn’t satisfied, we are less emotionally engaged with our wife, more emotionally tuned out to her needs and the needs of our family, and just overall – quite irritable. We are also much more susceptible to sexual temptation. Yes, we have choices to make, and are totally responsible for making the right or wrong ones – but the physical pressures are still very real.
The second reason is that we, like our wives, have a real need to connect emotionally with our wife. While the world tends to write us off as sex-starved cavemen – we are also endowed by the Creator with a deep emotional need to be loved, desired and connected to our spouse.
Shaunti Feldhahn’s best-selling book For Women Only underscores the fact that sex has a deep emotional impact on men. Feldhahn interviewed several hundred married men about different aspects of marriage. Not surprisingly, sex dominated their expressed needs and desires.
Perhaps the unexpected twist to her findings was the men’s feelings behind their sexuality. The vast majority of men indicated that being sexually fulfilled in marriage significantly impacted their confidence and their masculinity. Seventy-seven percent agreed with this statement: “If my wife was an interested and motivated sex partner, it would give me a greater sense of well-being and satisfaction with life.”
Both men and women have strong emotional needs for intimacy. The act of sex remains the primary response that gives men the feelings of closeness, caring and romance that they greatly need. That is why the great majority of men would say they don’t just want an unemotional, “let’s get this over with” experience in bed. Their emotional needs are not automatically met by having a physical release. Men desperately need to know that their wife desires them, finds them attractive and gets great satisfaction through sexual intimacy. Her love, expressed through sexual intimacy, gives him a sense of well-being like nothing else can.
Here are two important reasons why sex is so important in a husband’s world. Yes, sex and intimacy are significant to wives too, but we’re taking this space to talk with the guys.
Agree? Disagree? Want to share your comments? We’re here to learn from each other, so fire away.
Wives – we would learn much from hearing from you too.