We have all heard lies, half-truths and inaccuracies our entire lives. They started when we were kids (“don’t cross your eyes or they will stick that way”) and continue today as adults (“there is no difference between men and women”).
Married couples bring these into their relationships and seem to add more to the pile along the way. Here are five that are particularly dangerous to fall for:
- My spouse will make me happy. Some interpret this to also mean my spouse will fulfill all my expectations, needs and desires. Trouble is – they don’t. The truth is – they can’t. God didn’t create your spouse to do these things. Yes, they will hake you happy often and many times meet and exceed your expectations. But only God can make you truly happy (‘blessed, fulfilled’). Until we put Him first in our daily lives, we will never find true meaning and happiness in life.
- Marriage shouldn’t be hard. This is actually code for : I didn’t think I was going to have to work at this. Truth is – life is hard, and therefore marriage is too. Marriage takes work and in order to enjoy it as it was created and intended – each spouse has to diligently work at it. If they don’t, they will drift slowly apart until they barely recognize each other. God didn’t design marriage to be hard (Genesis 1-2), but because of the fall of Adam/Eve, it became obvious that two selfish people living together for a lifetime was going to be extremely difficult. Also see 1 Corinthians 7:28.
- Christian couples shouldn’t disagree and argue. I agree that Christian couples shouldn’t argue, but it is nearly impossible to agree on everything for a lifetime. How we handle this disagreement is the key. We must allow the Spirit to direct our words, responses, reactions, tone, body language, etc. or we will find that our flesh (selfishness) will easily take charge and make small matter into large ones.
- The relationship is over if you “fall out of love”. My wife and I hear this over and over as we mentor couples of all ages. “I just don’t love him/her any more”. God would remind you that marriage isn’t about love – it’s about Him and His glory. Feelings of love will rise and fall over the lifetime of your marriage, but those feelings are not the gauge by which you measure your marriage. Once again, if each spouse is putting their relationship with Christ as their #1 priority, this will not become an issue. Seek Him first and he will provide everything we need in our marriage. (Matt.6:33)
- Satan doesn’t exist and therefore isn’t a viable threat. What a huge lie from the “father of lies”. Believers are told often and specifically about the spiritual war that rages around us, the authority and weapons we have at our disposal, and the armor we are to wear every day in order to remain victorious. Denying this truth or simply hiding our head in the sand and hoping it doesn’t affect us – will be disastrous. There are many books, dvds and other resources available that will teach you more about this warfare and how to fight it. If we don’t believe we have an enemy who hates us and is out to destroy us and our marriages – we will remain in a powerless struggle to find fulfillment in our marriage.
We are told several times in the Bible to “be alert”, to “be on guard”, or to be deliberate in how we live. We are not on a Christian cruise ship, sailing through life hearing great music and messages until we pull into port in heaven. Jesus called us to battle. Our personal, daily relationship with Christ is our primary battlefront, but our marriage is #2. Satan hates marriage and always has. He will continue to destroy it any way he can. Don’t fall for the lies, and stay in God’s Word every day so you know what the truth is and how to live in it.