I thought technology was supposed to make our lives more efficient and less complicated. I thought we were supposed to use technology to “free up” all that time we used to spend pushing paper, writing letters, talking on the phone, etc., so we could have much more time to enjoy life and each other. I think we have been duped. We freed up time, but we have quickly filled that time slot with more things that “need” to get done. We are driven to produce more – and enjoy our life, our family, our kids, our friends and our God – less. We seem to have even less time now than we did before all these awesome time-saving inventions.
The following is an excerpt from Dr. Kelman Heller that I thought you might find revealing:
It has become too common a refrain” There isn’t enough time”. This is the excuse put forth by so many couples that I speak to in workshops and in my office. Wives and husbands are pleading that they are so overwhelmed with the demands of work and children that they simply can’t create any space to share much needed time with their partner. The result is often an increased sense of disconnection that gets expressed as problems with communication, disagreements over finances, parenting conflicts, or insufficient sex. But these are typically symptoms, not causes.
In trying to help couples reverse this downward spiral, I start by reminding them that if they constantly put their marriage at the end of their “to do” lists, assuming that there will always be another day to attend to their spouses’ needs – one day they will be shocked to discover that there are no more days. One of them will be saying “I don’t love you anymore, and I want out”. This means that couples must truly make their marriage a top priority, not simply in words or feelings, but in deeds. In today’s world of smart phones, email and text messaging, this means actually scheduling time for the marriage rather than expecting time shared will just happen.
My second key point, for couples who have children, is that the most important gift they can give their children is a healthy marriage. When marriages are working well, families function better. Children will not only find that their lives run more smoothly because their parents are in sync but research shows they will even have fewer medical problems, presumably because there is less chronic stress in the home. As added benefit is that a good marriage models for children what they need to learn for the day when they are married.
Since a healthy marriage is such an important gift for your children, parents need to feel comfortable with the idea of taking some of the “excess tie” currently devoted to parenting and investing it in their marriage. (“Excess time” is the fallout from parents trying too hard to create “perfect” children when children really need only “good enough” parenting.
As we have said many times in here – a great marriage won’t happen on its own. It takes work, and deliberate choices every single day. If you are not moving toward your spouse (pursuing), you are moving away. You spend time, effort and money maintaining your car, your boat, your golf game, your lawn, your business, etc. – but how much time, energy, money and sacrifice are you willing to sacrifice to maintain a healthy marriage relationship. The Bible is very, very clear – we will “reap what we sow”, and if we sow sparingly, we won’t reap very much.
Are we really too busy, or (if we are honest) are we just not willing to do what it takes (sacrifice) to enjoy the fruits of a healthy, happy marriage? I continue to contend that we will always find time to do those things that we find valuable. If financial success, or lower golf scores, or having the best looking lawn on the block, etc. is what truly motivates you and meets an emotional need in your life – you will not be “too busy”. You will find the time – because you want to.
Do you want to – have a fabulous marriage, a fulfilled wife who loves and respects you, children who obey and honor you, and a heavenly Father Who is proud of the job you are doing as a husband? If so – you will find the time to pursue your spouse, to earnestly seek to discover and meet her/his needs, and love as Christ loves us.
We have to decide – what do we really want, and how badly do we want it?